Apparently, I care about my birthday a bit more than I thought….because this last one sucked _completely_.  A horrible week at work, that is continuing on this week…and I did nothing for my birthday.  Most of the people I hang out with already had plans.  There were also other circumstances that led to the day sucking even moreso.

The work situation? Isn’t showing any glimpse of changing any time soon..

You’d think if you said the following to your boss, he’d be concerned and talk to you about it:

Me: Why are they asking you about this? Are they afraid to ask me about this?
Him: Yep, they are afraid you’ll yell at them
Me: Trust me, I won’t yell.  I’m beyond yelling at this point.  I’m resigned to my place in this group.
(Note: It’s not yelling, but apparently, they have virgin ears and immediately assume the use of the word "fuck" in any incarnation even once indicates yelling.  They’ve apparently never been to Boston or NYC.)

It doesn’t help, that I keep seeing the "aftermath" footage of hurricane gustav, and the prep for Hanna…and think "God, I’d give ANYTHING to be there, dealing with that."  Yes, I’m disappointed I didn’t get called up to go south to help out…and NO it doesn’t give me "joy" to see the devastation that these people have experienced.  It’s just, shit happens, period.  I just wanna be there to deal with the shit when it happens.

This is kind of a weird time of year for me.  There’s a lot of mixed emotions for me during this time of year as birthdays are just weird for me.  Every year, I contemplate going home for labor day weekend to kind of spend my birthday with my parents, or just wishing they were here (but usually don’t since it’s just not worth driving for just the weekend).  Birthdays have usually just been a celebration with my family.  When I think back on previous birthdays, I can really only point to one and say "yeah, it was fantastic!".  It’s not that I’ve had shitty birthdays, they just weren’t all that memorable.Also every year, I get a little freaked out about how I’m nowhere near where I had planned nor wanted to be professionally, nor in my personal life.

I keep being asked what I want to do for my birthday, and I have absolutely no freaking idea what I want to do.  I don’t like planning or figuring that type of thing out at all.

This time of year also becomes a bit harder for me as we near 9/11.  Yep, I will fully admit that I probably am a bit PTSD from that, but not in a way that prohibits me from doing anything, or impacts how I live my life.  It’s just something that lingers in my mind, and always will.  It actually took one year almost exactly after 9/11/01 before I didn’t cry just at the mere thought of it.  I think a day rarely goes by that I don’t actually have a passing thought of it.  I know this is a weird post, but it’s kind of just what is on my mind.

I had a discussion with a friend recently regarding friendships and what not…and here are some things that I’m now pondering…

So, what do you do, when you realize a friendship from your own perspective seems to be "give give give"…and that the other person is so wrapped up in their world that they don’t even realize that they’ve become a taker?  And well, yes, most people’s reaction would be to say "tell the person" but that isn’t always the right answer.  If they aren’t willing to listen, what good is it to tell them this and potentially create strife?  What do you do?

On the converse of this, what do you do when you know you are the one constantly taking? IE: the other person won’t ever seem to let you be the giver?  As in, they flat out refuse repayment of anything (in money, gift or deed).

Now, let me note that there are exceptions, or periods in all friendships where someone is giving and taking more than the other, but eventually it flows the other way.  And I’m not speaking to those periods as that’s just a friend being there for another.  I’m speaking to when they are consistently one way.

I’m big on friendships being a 2 way thing…and I never know what to do with any relationship that turns 1 way.

So, 2007 was quite an interesting year.  Between working my tail off at work, getting a promotion with a decent raise, knee surgery, and beginning the process for testing for my medic, as well as catching up hours wise at my firehouse….wow!  And that’s not even going into the social side and busyness that created.

Reflecting on the previous year is interesting, it wasn’t particularly good, but not bad either.   My parents visited for thanksgiving, and we had a very nice dinner here at my apartment.  Dinner included Ryan, his mom, and Shana.  Shana then picked up her parents at the airport and came back over for dessert.  It was kind of stressful at first getting everything ready, but everyone enjoyed everything.  And as my parents left to go back to Ohio, I had a smaller family reunion with my cousin Lars.  I don’t believe up until then that we’d seen each other since 1990.

I learned quite a bit about wine last year as well. Also found my so far favorite vineyard in Potomac Point Vineyard.  I’ve been 3 times now, and the owners are really fantastic, and all of their wine is just…good.  If you like wine/vineyards, I can’t recommend this one enough.

There’s also been a recent management change at work.  I no longer report to John, who honestly is probably one of the best bosses/managers I’ve ever had, but now report to someone out of the Cincinnati office.  I’m really trying to give it a chance, but I am skeptical.

I think that really summarizes 2007 for me.  Oh, and of course, I still have the BEST dog in the world.  She’s 3 now!